Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
