I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
