She is in my trunk
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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