On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
