You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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