We won't sleep together?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
