Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
