We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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