why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
