The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
