phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
