I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
