she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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