I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
