i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize