You're completely useless in the revolution.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
