he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
