I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
