I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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