does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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