I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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