Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
