How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
