Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
