3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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