he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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