are you still at the devil's house?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
