he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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