Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
