Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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