Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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