You're so nebulous sometimes
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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