Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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