the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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