Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
