i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
