Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
