just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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