Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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