I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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