i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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