You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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