why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
