You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
