I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
