I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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