Kiss
Puke
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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