"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I touched a dick in church today
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
