You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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