it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
