i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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