K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
