So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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