I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I will pee on everything he values.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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