Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
