You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
