I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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