i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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