The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
