You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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