If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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