2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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