Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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