What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
