dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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