I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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