i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
