I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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