Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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