I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
