Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
