Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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