How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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