i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
