She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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