Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
