You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
