And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
