I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
