They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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