Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
