Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I want to fling myself into the sun
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
