Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
