I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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