the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
