Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
