I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
